White People: I Don't Care If This Offends You

I have a lot of black friends. I work for Apple and have so for the last 10 years, and over the years I have met many people from many different backgrounds who have had many different experiences in their lives.

Atheists.

Muslims.

LGBTQ.

Black.

Young.

Old.

Male.

Female.

Trans.

Latino.

… All sorts of people who are all wonderful and beautiful in their own unique way, each of which has taught me something about life and the world that I wouldn’t have realized if it weren’t for their willingness to share their perspectives and stories with me.

One thing I quickly learned is that as a straight white male, I need to know when to shut my mouth and use my ears.

Did you hear that white people? Let me say it again for those in the back who are rolling their eyes:

As a white person, sometimes you need to learn when to shut your mouth and listen to the story of someone whose life experience you could never and will never possibly understand.

Everybody has an opinion about what’s going on in Minneapolis and in various other cities throughout the United States.

Some people are applauding the riots while other people are speaking out against them.

Some people are heralding the rioters as revolutionaries while others are labeling them as thugs.

Some are cheering on the burning of buildings and the destruction of property while others are calling for arrests and imprisonments and even the death of those who are responsible.

Some people are on the far right of the issue.

Some people are on the far left.

And others, still, are somewhere in the middle trying to connect with both sides.

Sigh.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said that “riots are the language of the unheard” … and that’s why I’m sitting down to write this very short post today.

Riots.

Are.

The.

Language.

Of.

The.

Unheard.

When the black community kneeled, they were called ungrateful. When they quietly stood in the streets, they were called lazy. When they speak up, they’re shut down. Nothing works, nothing has worked.

They kneel, nobody listens.

They stand quietly in the streets, nobody listens.

And so they riot, and they riot because as MLK said, “it’s the language of the unheard.”

And no, I’m not promoting looting and the burning down of buildings and cars and cities. If that’s what you get out of this post … go away, you’re part of the problem. Don’t reply with that kind of comment, I’ll delete it and ban you from this page faster than you can blink.

Rather …

I have black friends who have secret cameras hiding in the dashboard of their cars because they’re afraid of being pulled over and harassed by the police.

I’ve had black friends cry in front of me because they fear for their children.

I’ve had black friends who ask me why I’m not like other white people that they’ve encountered in their life.

… My black friends and the black community are tired of not being heard. They’re tired of not being able to breath beneath the knee of unethical and unjust tyrannical power. They’re exhausted from trying to get people with a different skin color to understand where they’ve come from and what it’s like to have a skin color that is seen as inferior.

I’ve seen a lot of my white friends posting on social media asking how they can help.

“How can we help?”

“What can we do?”

Do you want to help?

One thing this straight white man has learned is that the best way we can help is often to shut up and listen.

Yes - LISTEN.

Call up a black person in your life today … right now … and ask them how they’re feeling. Don’t try to solve their problems. Don’t try to tell them they shouldn’t feel what they feel (don’t you DARE). Don’t tell them that “rioting isn't the answer”. Instead, ask them how they’re feeling, ask them to tell you their story, ask them to share their heart with you, their worries, their fears … their dreams. Assure them that you will listen, that you will have no judgement, and that you will embrace them and love them no matter what they say to you.

And then.

And then let yourself be enraged. Let yourself feel their pain, feel their anger. And let that pain and anger drive you to action, to do something.

BUT.

Don’t just do anything that comes to mind; instead …

ASK THEM what you can do.

ASK THEM what they need.

ASK THEM how you can better be their ally.

Benjamin Franklin once said that “justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.”

We’re in this mess because the majority of white people aren’t nearly as enraged as they should be about the mistreatment of the black community. The majority of white people sit in their relatively safe world where they don’t have to worry about facing the dangers that black people face all the while telling them to get over it, work harder, stop complaining, etc.

And if you don’t like that I said that, I don’t really care.

The reality is that we’re not going to move the needle on this problem in any way, shape, or form until white people stop running their mouths, stop telling black people how to feel, and start listening to their stories, making sure that they feel heard, and become as enraged as they are about the racial injustices they face on a regular basis.

Do you know someone who is black? Call them. Now. And listen.

Make space in YOUR life for them to be heard, to use their voice … because creating that space for someone who comes from a community that is used to being silenced and shamed and ridiculed and beat down might ignite a spark that could lead to real, lasting change.

OH.

And one last thing (because I’ve been around long enough to know what comes next): don’t tell me that I’m creating division with this post or with the language I use on social media in regards to the riots, George Floyd, etc. I’m a white man calling out the unjust treatment of my black friends and calling it what it is - evil, sinister, tyrannical - and I don’t really care if you don’t like it.

This needs to stop and stopping starts with shutting up and listening to the oppressed.

Much love,