Religious Trauma and the Abusive Doctrine of Hell
I don't believe in hell anymore. Not even a little bit. And people tell me that because I don't believe in hell that means I'm most certainly headed there, but I'm really not concerned about going to a place I'm 99.9% sure doesn't exist.
Yeah, 99.9%.
I mean, you can never be 100% about anything, can you? Especially not something like heaven and hell and what happens when we close our eyes for the last time and the final exhale leaves our body and floats somewhere into the atmosphere.
Do we immediately arrive at the pearly gates?
Do we just cease to exist?
Is there a bright light?
Immense coldness?
Do we get reincarnated into a bird or dog or another human?
If I rise up out of my body, am I able to see my body?
Do I get warped into another realm altogether?
So many questions; and I have no idea, but one thing I'm fairly certain about is that from a Biblical standpoint, there's no such thing as hell as a place of eternal torture or separation from God or whatever. If there is, God really isn't 'love' after all. Right? I mean, how could he be? How could a God who describes himself as the very essence of 'love' exist if there also exists a parallel universe where people are being tortured for all of eternity?
Growing up I was taught all about the fires of hell and I was told that the Old Testament, the New Testament, and especially the words of Jesus are filled with warning after warning after warning that the fires of hell await those who …
Believe the wrong things about Jesus.
Aren't baptized.
Haven't said the sinner's prayer.
Are gay.
Haven't confessed their sins.
Don't go to church.
… I was told that hell was a place of darkness, a place of eternal separation from God, a place of eternal conscious torment where God's enemies end up when they die.
And I was given tons of Bible verses to support these claims …
Psalm 49:14 - "like sheep they are appointed for Sheol / Hell; death shall be their shepherd; straight to the grave they descend; Sheol / Hell shall be their home."
Matthew 25:46 - "and these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
John 3:16 - "for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
… On and on and on the list of verses go where I was warned that hell is a very real place holding very real consequences for those who stray outside of the boundaries set up the church, by those in authority, by the Bible.
NOW.
I could spend the rest of my time here telling you about how Sheol is a Hebrew word for "grave" or "realm of the dead" and was a place in Ancient Hebrew thinking where everyone went - good, bad, and everyone in between - and how we've wrongly interpreted the word to mean "hell", a word that carries with it an immense amount of baggage.
And I could also tell you how "eternal punishment" doesn't really refer to a never-ending beating by Satan, but a refinement of sorts or a consequence that isn't retributive, but restorative … to prepare someone for whatever is next.
I could also tell you about how the Greek words that were used for hell in the New Testament often referred to a garbage dump outside of Jerusalem or Hades, which is simply the Greek idea for the Hebrew idea of Sheol.
BUT.
I'm finding all of that immensely boring these days and so at the end of this post I'll recommend a number of different books that might be helpful for you.
Instead, I want to talk to you about something I mentioned above, that growing up I was taught all about the fires of hell and I was told that the Old Testament, the New Testament, and especially the words of Jesus are filled with warning after warning after warning that the fires of hell await those who believe the wrong things about Jesus or operate outside of the boundaries that have been set up by the church, by our pastors, and by the Bible.
Hell, in my experience, was merely a weapon that was often wielded in order to keep me in line. It was the ultimate threat. It was the equivalent of mom saying, "just wait until your father gets home". It was a doctrine or a teaching that created a sense of dread inside, a sense of dread that said …
"I have to obey."
"I have to read my Bible."
"I have to go to church."
"I have to put my dollar in the offering place."
"I have to be kind."
"I can never have a lustful thought."
"I have to make sure my confessions are up to date."
"I have to pray."
"I have to have faith."
… Because if I don't do these things and I die tonight or the world ends or whatever, then I'll end up in hell where I'll be eternally separated from God, from my family, and from everything that brings joy.
"Hell is a place I want to avoid and so I'll do anything to not end up there."
In his book "Heaven and Hell: A History of the Afterlife" Bart Ehrman talks about an ancient text called "The Apocalypse of Peter", which is a letter written somewhere in the 2nd century and discovered in the late 18th century claiming to be written by the Apostle Peter. Ehrman quickly points out that no scholar thinks that Peter actually wrote the letter, but they realize that the author claims to be Peter because it's a letter filled with images of hell and what better way to convince people that hell is real than to sign your thesis, "The Apostle Peter"?
In the book the writer talks about how hell is a place of torture where every sin has its own eternal punishment, one of the most horrifying being hung over an open flame by your genitals.
Sweet dreams tonight, friends.
HA!
Those who lend money with interest spend eternity in a pit of poop up to their knees.
Those who disobey their parents are hanged and their flesh is pecked away by birds for all of eternity.
Girls who have sex before marriage have their bodies torn to pieces (but not guys, apparently).
Slaves who disobey their masters are forced to gnaw on their tongues forever and ever.
On and on these images of horrifying punishment go while heaven or "the good place" or whatever you want to call it is declared to be good and joyful only because those who end up there "shall see their desires on those who hated them, when God punished them and the torment of every one shall be forever according to his works."
Apparently the main reason why heaven is awesome is because you get box seats at the game to watch your greatest enemies be tortured for all of eternity.
And then Ehrman makes an interesting point and this is sort of where I want to land …
"It is not difficult to understand the function of a text such as the Apocalypse of Peter. The author is not interested in providing an objective statement about what actually happens in heaven and hell. He has a set purpose in mind. He wants people to behave in certain ways and he is using his graphic depictions of eternal torment as a way of convincing them."
I feel like what was true in the 2nd century is still true some 1800 years later, maybe even more so - the doctrine of hell is an easy tool to use in order to press people into submission so that you can make sure that they obey the rules, stay within the boundaries you've set up, and never stray away from the way of life you've laid out for them.
I realize this might be an unpopular thought, but using hell in this way is a form of abuse and it creates unnecessary spiritual and emotional trauma that some people will carry with them for the rest of their lives.
I can remember being in the 5th grade and crying myself to sleep at night because I was afraid that my parents were going to go to hell if we all died at night. I would have dreams of us all dying and floating up to heaven where St. Peter would welcome me in and cast them into the fire. And I remember in my dream feeling an immense amount of guilt and shame because one of the things I was taught about hell and that was reinforced into my head again and again and again was that it was my responsibility to share the Gospel with people so that they could believe the right things about Jesus and God and not end up in hell.
SO.
Not only was hell used to keep ME in line, but I was also told to use hell to keep OTHERS in line. In other words, it was not only my responsibility to believe the right things about God and Jesus and stay on the straight and narrow so that I could avoid hell, but it was also my responsibility to tell the story of Jesus in such a compelling way that others would also believe the right things about him and stay on the straight and narrow so that they, too, could go to heaven when they die instead of hell.
And so as a 5th grade boy who already struggled with a deep sense of separation anxiety from my parents and loved ones, I was not only forced to carry the burden of keeping myself out of hell, but keeping my family out of hell as well.
To this day I still struggle with this.
And that's funny, right? Well. Maybe not funny, but definitely odd, because I have a podcast where I actively deconstruct hell and reconstruct, I think, something much more beautiful and promising; and I even started off this blog post by declaring that I no longer believe in hell, and so it's weird for me to sit here and write that I still struggle with wondering …
What if I'm wrong?
What if I do end up in hell?
What if everyone reading this who agrees ends up in hell?
BUT.
All of these years later when the thoughts come across my mind and I sense my heart and mind begin to tremble in fear, I've learned to call these feelings with they are - the results of trauma that stem from years and years of abuse, of being slammed over the head with an abusive doctrine of hell that was meant to do little more than keep me and my classmates in line.
Friends, I don't know what you were taught about hell, but my prayer is that the series we're doing on hell (To Hell With Hell) can help you begin to imagine something different than what you might have been taught, that it can expand your thoughts and ignite your imagination into believing that maybe it might just be possible that what you were taught is … wrong.
Maybe hell doesn't exist at all.
Or.
If it does, maybe it's nothing like we were taught it to be.
And.
Maybe the Bible isn't as clear as we were led to believe.
In fact.
Perhaps the Bible doesn't talk that much about it or the afterlife at all.
And.
So.
Maybe there's nothing to fear, after all, and maybe this whole thing that we call life that's filled with ups and downs and lots of heartache is actually headed somewhere good.
May your heart and soul find healing today as you rest assured that you are loved.
Peace.
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