Are Relationships Worth The Effort?

We weren't meant to do life alone and yet sometimes the journey of deconstruction / reconstruction / de-orientaton / re-orientation / ... whatever ... sometimes it feels like the loneliest place on earth.

Right?

Like, when I began to ask questions about hell, salvation, etc, etc, etc ... 

A friend / professor of 20 years Facebook messaged me and expressed that he was concerned to see me straying from Orthodox Christianity and the message of Jesus. 20 years, and I get an accusatory Facebook message.

No phone call.

No text.

No, "you got a few minutes to talk?"

Or, "how's your family?"

Or, "I'd love to hear more about your what you're doing with your podcast."  

Another professor mockingly told me that it was time to come in from the wilderness and join God's work in the church.  

A family member called me a blasphemer and declared that the Devil has a hold of my life.

Old church friends unfriended me on Facebook.

Some messaged me and told me that I was a false teacher headed for hell and bringing all of my podcast listeners with me.

Another called me a Social Justice Warrior and said that I wasted my seminary education on this silly "deconstruction".  

I was called names, like "the Doctor of Deconstruction".

I was mocked.

I was unfriended.

Blocked.

Shamed.

... And left to ponder whether or not I could ever trust anyone else again.  After all, professors of 20+ years, family members, friends, church family ... all Christians ... aren't these people that I'm supposed to be able to trust?  Aren't they supposed to represent Jesus to me? 

I mean, if I can't trust a family member.

Or a friend.

Or a church member.

Or a pastor.

Or a seminary classmate.

... Who can I trust?  Is relationship even worth it?  Does community even matter?  Maybe it's just easier (and better) to go at it alone because even if I'm alone, at least I don't have to worry about anyone abandoning me, mocking me, or shaming me. 

Sigh.

I tried that for a bit, but it was too hard.  It was difficult to be sit alone with my thoughts as my lifelong beliefs about God and faith began to crumble all the while I felt like I had to defend my every breath, my every thought, my every inquisitive post on Facebook or on my blog, podcast, or whatever.

It felt like shots were coming from every direction and it's hard to live that life when it felt like no one outside of my wife and parents had my back.  

There were nights that I sat at my computer and cried. Literally cried.

Other nights I went into my backyard with a baseball bat and aggressively drilled golf balls into the woods (be careful if you do that, when they hit trees they come back FAST ... and leave welts).

Sometimes I just sat at my desk and stared, wondering if asking questions was worth the effort, if it would be easier to just keep toeing the line and keeping my mouth shut.

"Will I ever have friends again?"

"Is investing in any kind of relationship even worth it?"

"Can anyone be trusted?"

"Maybe I should just keep all my questions to myself."

"Maybe I should just be who my professors and deans and classmates expected me to be."

OR.

"Maybe I'll just go rogue and do my own thing, by myself - without anyone else to bother me."

If we go back to Genesis 1, though, we're reminded that we aren't wired to do life alone.  Right?  God created all the different things and said that it was all good, but he saw that Adam was alone and that this wasn't good.

The solution?

He created Eve to be Adam's friend so that they could do life together.  

And then Jesus.  He arrived on the scene after his baptism, but instead of just picking up his stuff and getting to work, he went and made some friends.

He invited people to follow him.

He ate with them.

He spent time with them.

He was their teacher, sure, and they were his students ... but ... at the end of the day, they were his friends and they did life together right up until the bitter end.

As I pondered these things I realized that relationships are important even if they are risky and given the virtual world that we live in, although I'm not part of any church or part of any physical community, I do have a virtual community of sorts and if I'm feeling lonely and isolated on the journey ... perhaps I'm not alone?  Perhaps others in the What If Project family are feeling the same?

I write this post today as I reflect on the beautiful relationships that have come to me via the What If Project and the incredible listeners we have. People like ...

Mike.

James.

Marilyn.

Rhonda.

Kate.

Kira.

Nettie.

Leo.

Shawn.

Dacey.

Grace.

Jennifer.

... This list is by no means exhaustive; it's just a few of the ones that come to mind as I write. But these are just a handful of people who have become my family over the last 3 years. My church family, really. We video chat together, we message each other, we FaceTime and Zoom. Later this week some of us will be gathering on a Zoom call to chat and talk and catch up. Next month we'll be hopping on a call to do communion together. In 2022 we'll be starting up a book club.

I haven't met 99% of these people in the flesh. BUT. EVEN SO. I feel closer to them than I have ever felt to anyone I sat next to in a church pew week after week. These people make me feel less alone. They make me feel less isolated, less crazy, less ashamed, less out of my mind. They make me feel loved whereas many others have made me feel unloved. They make me feel welcomed whereas others have made me feel un-welcomed. They make me feel like it's OK to be me - it's OK to be human, to have questions, to have doubts, to be imperfect. These people have been Jesus to me time and time again over the last 3 years and I'm not sure I'd be doing what I'm doing today if it weren't for them.

I love them.

They are my tribe.

How about you? Do you have a tribe? It can be lonely out here in the wilderness. As people who once walked closely with you turn their backs or slowly distance themselves because your questions and doubts and refusal to toe the theological line make them feel uncomfortable ... it can be a strange and disorienting feeling.

That's normal.

That's natural.

And it's also normal and natural to withdraw for a bit, to be hesitant to jump into a new community. After all, it's hard to trust after those you trusted burned you and tossed you off their theological ship into deep, dark, and lonely sea.

I write today to tell you that our podcast is a lifeboat. The What If Project Community and our Marco Polo Group - these are lifeboats out in the waters that are there to pick you up and give you a place to dry off, get your bearings, and meet people who are just like you.

You aren't alone, friend.

Your community may have burned you, but not all communities are like that community. You weren't designed to do life alone - you were designed to do life with others ... even if (in 2021) it's through a screen.

• Glenn || PATREON | BUY ME A COFFEE