Why I Carry 3 Crosses On Me At All Times

The other day someone posted something on Twitter in regards to Christians who wear crosses on their neck and said something like, "don't Christians know that the cross wasn't a good experience for Jesus - why on earth would you wear a Roman torture device around your neck?"

And I've had a few people ask me that before because I have 3 crosses on my person at all times:

A gold cross around my neck that my mom bought me for my confirmation.

My great grandpa's rosary beads around my neck.

A pair of rosary beads that my friend Alexander John Shaia sent me from the Camino in Spain.

... And so I've had people ask me, "why do you want the cross hanging around your neck? What's the deal?" And honestly, that's a fair question ... right? The cross really was a Roman torture device that was meant to assert Roman dominance over anyone who dared challenge the system they had set up and the rules and laws they put into place.

"We are Rome and you will submit", that was the general message of the cross to onlookers who saw the blood of their community members dripping down the wood and onto the ground.

And my reason for wearing a cross around my neck has evolved over the years, just like the rest of my faith.

15 years ago while in seminary earning my Master's Degree and studying to take an exam to be "licensed for ministry" in the Christian and Missionary Alliance, I would have told you that the cross around my neck symbolized the sacrifice that Jesus made for my sins. I believed that I and you and everyone in the whole world was born a "sinner" and that since sin needs to be punished, someone had to pay.

"For God so loved the world", though, "that he sent his one and only Son" to take my punishment. The verse doesn't say that, of course (it's John 3:16, in case you don't know), but that's how I interpreted it and was taught to interpret it.

I sinned.

God is pissed.

Jesus raised his hand to take my place.

Believing that gets me eternal life.

Not believing it gets me hell.

And so I wore the cross and I wore it proudly to remind myself that Jesus took my punishment, that he "atoned" for my sins and made it possible for me to be put back into God's good graces or re-connected with him.

Nowadays, though.

Phew.

I don't even believe in the atonement anymore.

Now, there are many different theories of atonement, I realize (I went to seminary and graduated at the top of my class, so please don't send me emails - that has happened before ... I'm well aware of NT Wright, Greg Boyd, CS Lewis, Fleming Rutledge, and lots of others who have written on this topic), and the one I described above is known as "substitutionary atonement theory" or the idea that Jesus was my "substitute" on the cross and that by taking my punishment, I'm able to be made "one" with God.

Atonement ...

At.

One.

Ment.

... The idea of being made one with God because of the work of Jesus on the cross.

And there are other theories too, but they're all just that - theories. The Bible doesn't spell any out and Jesus never spelt one out, either. Like, Jesus never stood on a hill and said, "hey everybody gather close and I'm gonna lay it all out for you - my life, the cross, eternity ... everything; and since your eternal destiny hangs in the balance of passing a pretty big theology exam at the pearly gates, you might wanna take notes so that the rest of the human population from this point in 30CE forward can know how to be part of the in group."

A lot of church people act like that happened, but it didn't - never.

And so I think the atonement and all the different theories that accompany it is a load of BS; I think it was invented and made up in an effort to control people. 

Why? 

Because a group of people who think they're separated from God, that God is mad at them, and that they need to do A, B, and C in order to get back into God's graces ... that group is pretty easy to control and manipulate, no? I mean, if I'm going to build a "system" or a "machine" or a "church" or an "institution", the best way to do it is to make sure people know that they need to rely on the message that the system is going to feed them and that the system is going to give them the way to get re-connected to the God they were born disconnected from so that when they die they won't spend eternity in the fires of hell.

Right?

The worse they think they are.

The more separated from God they think they are.

The more angry they think God is at their sin.

… the greater chance you have that they will come back and bring others with them week after week after week after week.

Makes sense to me.

I mean, I respect people who argue for an atonement theory and I get it ... I used to be there. I spent years and years and years hearing about these theories and learning how to argue them, articulate them, and defend them. I have no beef with my atonement theory friends, I know lots of them and they are really great people, really great Christians; I just don't see a need for any one of these theories because I don't think there was ever a time when we were separated from God and needing to be made one with him.

Is there?

I mean, how could there be? The very same Bible that people use to make that argument also says that the very breath of God is what keeps us alive, is what breathed life into all of us and all of the cosmos ... and so if the breath of God is in me and if God is "omnipresent" or "everywhere at once, all the time", and the breath of God is what makes the word spin and the cosmos expand ... then how on earth can I be born separated from God OR be separated from God at any point in my life? If Adam breathed his first breath only because God breathed into him ... isn't that the case for you and me and everyone else? Aren't we all breathing because God first breathed into us?

I think so.

And so, the cross.

If Jesus didn't die to take my place or to take my punishment or make me one with God, then what's the deal? And why do I wear one on my neck?

A really interesting thing happened when Jesus was on the cross. The Bible says that as blood was dripping from his body and he was gasping for air, one of the last things he said was, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." And what's really interesting about that (to me, anyways) is that the people who put Jesus on the cross - they never asked for forgiveness, they never said they were sorry.

They laughed at him.

They spit on him.

They beat him.

The gambled his clothes away.

They mocked him.

... And yet Jesus used his last words to express love and forgiveness.

And then after he died and spent Saturday in a tomb, the Bible says that on Sunday he came back to life; and so it's my idea (my theory?) that the love and forgiveness that Jesus breathed from the cross on Friday worked a miracle throughout the day on Saturday and blew the stone off the front of the tomb on Sunday ... and THAT'S why I wear 2 crosses around my neck and carry one in my pocket.

NOT because I think Jesus took my place on the cross.

NOT because I think Jesus died for my sins.

NOT because I think Jesus was a sacrifice to appease God's anger.

BUT.

Because when Jesus was hanging on the cross, I believe he was holding up a mirror to me and to you and to all of us, in hopes that ...

By staring at these stories.

And meditating on the love and forgiveness he shed from the cross.

Along with the blood that was beaten out of him.

... In hopes that we'd see those stories and think about those words and ponder that blood and come to the realization that the very same Divine love and grace and mercy and forgiveness that was in Jesus is also in us and so just as he offered love and forgiveness to the worst possible offenses, so can we; AND that it's THIS love and THIS forgiveness that ultimately brings new life.

New life to us.

New life to those around us.

New life to the world.

"Love and forgiveness? Does that mean I need to make amends with the people who hurt me? What about people who are abusive? Narcissistic? Should I come off the cross, so to speak, and subject myself to their abuse all over again? Just pretend it never happened and move on with life?"

No.

Love and forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean reconciliation. Sometimes it does, sure, but not all the time. Jesus didn't come off the cross and take the Roman soldiers out for coffee, right? They didn't become buddies after Jesus spoke the words he spoke. Instead, after he spoke love and forgiveness to them, he was crushed beneath the weight of their hate and tossed into a tomb where his dead body laid.

Yeah.

Sometimes even when you offer love and forgiveness, you will still be crushed beneath the hate and abuse of those you have chosen to love and forgive, but in due time ...

3 days.

3 months.

3 years.

30 years.

... over the course of time that love and forgiveness will stir and swirl around in the dark tomb of your heart and birth new life that will blow the door off that tomb and empower you to walk out of it, rise up above it, and see life anew.

The cross is a mystery and I by no means have it all figured out ... but at this season in my life, that's what it means to me and that's why I call myself a Christian and that's why I wear a cross around my neck.

I believe that love wins, always.

Happy Easter, my friends.

• Glenn