I Am Not A Bad Person

One of the subtle lies I picked up during my time within Evangelicalism was that at my core I am a bad person and there's nothing I can do to make it otherwise. As Jeremiah says, “the heart is deceitful above all things.” I was told that on my own and apart from God, I could no good thing.

I’m bad.

I’m evil.

I’m sinful.

Like the song says, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me."

This teaching came across in lots of different ways.  Sometimes it was very much "IN YOUR FACE" while sometimes it was much more covert, almost subliminal.  And sometimes it was wrapped in nice, Christian language like "God loves you (the sinner), but hates the sin that is at the core of your being, your sin nature" ... but, whatever the vehicle and whatever the level of intensity, the message was always the same:

You are bad.

You are evil.

You are sinful.

Your sin must be punished.

I'm reading a book by Mel Robbins called "The High 5 Habit" (you should read it - sounds cheesy and dumb, but it's far from it) and in the book she explains how science tells us that something happens to your brain when you hear this sort of thing over and over again, when “I am bad” becomes your mantra.  Your brain has a filter system of sorts (called the Reticular Activating System) that filters out information that it thinks is unimportant to you and allows the information in that it thinks is important to you. 

Following me?

And so if your mantra is “I am bad” and that is something that runs through your mind all day, your brain goes on high alert to not only allow information in that supports that belief, but to act as a pair of glasses that makes you see the world and your life through the lens of “I am bad”.

And so for a long, long time my filter was “I am bad” and “apart from God I can do no good thing” and, as a result, I carried with me …

A ton of shame.

A load of self-condemnation.

And lots of self-hatred. 

… So much so that every small mistake I made was blown into a major catastrophe in my mind and just more proof that my theology teachers were right - “I really am bad.”

And so these days I’m working really hard to create new mantras in my head, mantras that tell me the truth about who I am and who I have been created to be ...

I reject the god who says I am bad and detestable and can do no good thing apart from him, because it's not true.

I reject the hymn Amazing Grace, because I am not a wretch nor have I ever been a wretch.  

I reject atonement theology that attempts to reunite me with God, because I was never separated from God to begin with.  

I reject the doctrine of "original sin", because I was not born a "sinner" and marked with some sort of sinful disease. 

YES - I REJECT THESE THINGS.

And I embrace the God who says I am good, I am strong, I am unique, and that making mistakes doesn’t make me a bad person or prove that there is something wrong with me. 

I am creating NEW mantras, NEW truths about myself to dwell on ...

I am GOOD.

I am LOVED.

I am ACCEPTED.

I am SPECIAL.

I am BLESSED.

I am ADORED.

I am TALENTED.

I am GIFTED.

These sorts of new mantras, I believe, will create new filters and allow my Reticular Activating System to open my eyes and heart to new possibilities about me and my place in the world that I never saw before. 

And so I wonder for you - what mantras do you need to evict from your mind today?  Where did they come from?  Where did they originate?  And what new mantras do you need to invite in?

Much love.

• Glenn