Boundaries For My Direct Messages
The other day I posted a meme, which said something like ... Actually, I'll just share it here so you can get the full vibe:
I shared it on Facebook and Instagram and within minutes I was notified that someone had DM'd me and so I went to check it out.
Interestingly, this particular DM was from a pastor who has authored and co-authored a number of books and is certainly on the more conservative side of Evangelicalism. If I told you his name you'd probably know it.
Anyways, he came to me with the following challenge, I'll copy paste ...
"Hello!!! I’m not posting public. But isn’t that meme about # of times jesus spoke of something sort of invalid as he also didn’t talk or condemn or mention rape. Slavery. Incest. Many things. There were things in his time and culture so ingrained in “of course” jesus didn’t have to mention them. Thoughts?"
I shared my thoughts, of course, and focused on how (mainly) comparing LGBTQ people to things like slave holders, rapists, and those who commit incest is incredibly unhelpful as it does nothing more than demonize an already outcasted group of people by equating who they are with the actions of some pretty terrible people.
Not only that, but perhaps Jesus had nothing to say about slavery, rape, and incest because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that those are oppressive actions and structures that rob people of their humanity, their dignity, and their lives.
Equating those things to LGBTQ people is irresponsible and a grossly weak attempt to draw a parallel that simply isn't there.
He didn't like my response too much and went into a monologue about how we see Scripture differently. Again, I'll copy/paste ...
"I guess the difference which will then have no point of arguing is do we change our view of scripture - if we don’t we then don’t choose what is stated there as guidance or not. We obey as Jesus said to his disciples to teach people to know truth and obey. If we see the scriptures as not from God then we can choose what we personally feel is right or wrong or anything. I wasn’t comparing it to rape or slavery I was mentioning many things that Jesus didn’t talk about. Because he didn’t mention something does not mean he didn’t have beliefs about it. But then if the scripture aren’t from God then how do we know jesus said anything really? It is just humans best thinking of what he said or didn’t. Anyway thanks for responding. I am not trying to be a pest but also wanted to ask back as you did with me. When I look at the Bible I look at verses but I look at the whole Bible. The whole storyline. The trajectory. The whole thing to determine views. And of course trustworthy scholars. Scholars who believe the scriptures are 100% inspired. There are atheist bible scholars. Who you turn to makes a difference of course as what your starting point with scripture makes all the difference."
He looks at Scripture and sees "the whole trajectory", "the whole storyline" ... whereas I (he insinuates) "choose what is stated as guidance or not", "see Scripture as not from God", "personally" choose what I "feel is right or wrong or anything", and (I suppose) pay more attention to "atheist Bible scholars" than I do whatever ones he listens to.
I went on to tell him I didn't appreciate his insinuation ...
"I hear you. But I don’t really appreciate what feels like the insinuation that I don’t trust scripture or think it’s from God or that you trust it more or hold it in higher regard 🙂. We can understand it differently and yet both hold it in extremely high regard. Like you I’m sure, I’ve been studying it for over 30 years, most of it in a very conservative evangelical world but over the last 5 years or so I’ve come to see things differently than I used to. I’ve read everything from John Piper to Bart Ehrman and everything in between.
Of course the trajectory is important, but so is the realization that the canon is a collection of texts spanning the course of hundreds of years written to specific people in specific contexts. And when we lift 6 or so verses out of 30,000, glue them together, and pull them forward 2000 years later to make them speak to the issue of LGBTQ people … I don’t think we’re being a very good steward of the text. But yes, given our differing views I’m not sure we’ll make much progress on the topic 🙂. Appreciate your dialogue, thanks for sharing your thoughts."
... He didn't answer.
Truth be told, if you're a pastor (or anyone, for that matter) and you're gonna come into my DM box I should probably let you know the boundaries up front. It's taken me a long time to get to a place where I've set these boundaries up, but I have - whether you're a pastor, a professor, a student, a Christian, a friend, or even a family member ... these are my boundaries:
For starters, please don't insinuate that I don't hold the Bible in high regard. I've been studying the Bible for over 30 years and at one time held to a very conservative Evangelical theology that I could support with any number of Bible verses. I all but memorized my Wayne Grudem Systematic Theology textbook and was subscribed to John Piper's Desiring God blog.
All these years later, though, my thoughts have changed.
I read my Bible every day and read commentaries on various parts of the Bible ranging from a Joyce Meyer study Bible all the way to a Bart Ehrman text book on the New Testament. Don't act like you're better than me. You're not. We're both on the same playing field, we're both trying to honor a book we love the very best we can.
Your superiority is stinking up my DM box and my life and I have no problem kicking you out of it.
Secondly, when it comes to the topic of LGBTQ people, I'm not interested in hearing what Leviticus says about LGBTQ people. Or Romans. Or Timothy.
Yawn.
This might surprise you, but I'm well aware of all of the clobber verses as there was a time in my life where I weaponized them all a thousand times better than you ever could. I had them memorized and could argue anyone into a wall who disagreed with me. And so forgive me if I don't act all surprised and amazed at your incredible wisdom.
Also, if you haven't bothered enough to read a book that presents the opposite view of the one you have, it's not my responsibility to educate you. Go do a Google search or pick up a book by a reputable publisher to help you see that there are valid ways to view the topic of LGBTQ Inclusion (as well as hell, the atonement, etc.) that are vastly different than yours.
Thirdly, you don't have the corner market on God. Christianity is a very diverse religion and was even more diverse in the first few centuries following the death of Jesus.
Today you have Reformed Christians, Christian Reformed Christians, Protestants, Catholics, Methodist, Assembly of God ... hundreds and hundreds of different denominations all professing their faith in Christ.
And 1800 years or so ago you had Christians who believed that Jesus was God, but not human. You had Christians who believed that he was human, but not God. You had Christians who believed their were 2 Gods as well as Christians who believed there were over 300 different Gods. Some believed the New Testament presented 1 God while the Old Testament presented an Evil God. Some held to only one Gospel (eg Matthew or Luke) while others held to Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Thomas, Mary, Philip ... and many others.
My point is that all throughout history there have been Christians who see things very differently than you and me ... and yet they were Christians. Don't come up in my grill acting like you have God on a leash, because you don't. You don't own God, you don't have the corner market on God, and you don't have God all figured out. Christianity is diverse. God is diverse. People are diverse. It's been that way since the beginning and it will be that way forever.
Oh, heaven will be diverse too, so buckle up.
Fourthly, I have no interest in debating you. If you come at me with an argument and demand my answer, I'm already bored. Even if I don't agree with you, I have no problem honoring your point of view as one of many different point of views.
For instance, I don't agree with my Evangelical friends in regards to how they understand the Bible, God, Jesus, etc.
BUT.
I recognize that their view is a valid view point - one of many valid view points. I'm happy to listen to your story, listen to your ideas, try to understand how you see things ... but if you won't do the same for me and just want to prove me wrong or call me names, I'll ramp up the sarcasm faster than you can hit send on the next message.
Fifthly, if your theology or your posts oppress people in any way, shape, or form - I will call you out on it ... on your page, to your face, or in response to whatever DM you send me.
No, I'm not bitter.
No, I'm not angry.
No, I'm not a bully.
However, if the table your serving is filled with rhetoric and theology that shames, outcasts, oppresses, and pushes away the people who are already on the fringes of your "in group" - I will flip that table right over and kick that hornets nest as hard as I can.
Lastly, if you think I'm a heretic or have strayed from God or am following the Devil and yet tell me that you love me and appreciate me ... you don't. Essentially you're saying that you "love the sinner, but hate the sin" ... and that's just an incredibly complex way to tell yourself that you're better than me and I really have no interest in being in any sort of relationship with someone who looks down on me. I'll unfriend you, stop texting you, and stop responding to you. Not because I'm bitter or unforgiving or mean or a bully, but because my mental and emotional wellbeing is more important to me than pretending I'm comfortable being in a relationship with you - virtually or in person.
All that to say, the pastor I mentioned above never responded to me, which isn't surprising. He's in a decent sized spotlight and likely didn't want to keep the conversation going in case I went public with it and revealed his name. Or maybe he had no answer for me because he really thinks he's better than me and those who follow the What If Project.
Who knows.
I'll never know because I unfriended him and he unfriended me shortly after. Perhaps one day we'll laugh it up at the great banquet table in the sky as we recall this silly conversation we had on social media. OR. Maybe I'll be in hell and torched for all of eternity.
Whatever the case may be, today I feel good because I've learned to draw some hard boundaries in my life and I'm finally learning how to act on them in ways that help me responsibly care for my emotional, mental, and spiritual health in a very complicated (and technological) age.
Don't be afraid to draw your own boundaries ... and stick to them.
Much love,
Glenn
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UPDATE: the pastor I mentioned above ended up responding. Perhaps he came across this blog post? Don’t know. He told me he’s read almost every Bart Ehrman book and acknowledged that since we view the Bible differently we’ll likely come to different conclusions. No apology or acknowledgement for insinuating that I don’t hold the Bible in high regard, which is disappointing.
In the past I would respond and try to remain in dialogue or keep the conversation going or try to arrive at some middle ground. As I said above, however, my boundary is that if you make me feel like I’m less than because of my views of the Bible or that you’re somehow superior … I don’t feel the need to respond, and I don’t feel the need to dialogue or debate or whatever.
I give you this example because it’s important to know that not every conversation needs your energy and not everyone’s opinion of you or your ideas or whatever needs to motivate you, demotivate you, or define you. It’s possible to honor where the other person is in their own faith journey while holding onto and remaining true to yours and yourself.
And so I honor that pastor today and the work he’s doing in the world. I say Namaste to him - may the Spirit in me honor the Spirit in him. And even though we don’t see eye to eye, may our spirits or souls or whatever connect arm in arm as we move forward to steward our gifts and callings and passions well and make the world a more heavenly place.