Put Down Their Swords

I think I read somewhere that this card (the Seven of Swords) depicts someone stealing swords from a camp and that the guy is looking over his shoulder as he makes his getaway.

But.

I don’t see that at all. Instead, I see a guy who is so busy carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations that he can’t possibly find the strength to carry his own hopes and dreams.

Do you see it?

For me, the swords are expectations and hopes and dreams and aspirations; and since the guy is so busy carrying the expectations of ...

His professors.

His pastors.

His friends.

His parents.

His siblings.

His in-laws.

His church family.

... He can’t possibly find the room in his hands to reach for his own hopes, for his own dreams. And that’s tragic, right? Because his hopes and dreams stay driven deep into the dirt behind him as he marches forward to please everyone else all the while he looks longingly back at what HE wants for his life and wonders if he’s done (or will ever be done!) carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations.

I feel this sometimes, you know?

I went through 4 years of Bible College and about 8 years of Seminary ... and people had certain expectations of me.

My wife and my parents? They’ve been beyond supportive of my journey and of my faith evolution. I am blessed beyond measure.

But ...

Other family members?

Professors?

Church friends?

Fellow students?

... I had one professor reach out to me and say that my “stint” out in the wilderness was “cute” but that it’s time to come back to the church while another messaged me and said he was “concerned” for me and my clear “turn away from Orthodox Christianity” while (still) another tells me that I’m the topic of regular conversation in the hallways of the school amongst various students and faculty members who think my theology is “terrible”.

Sigh.

Part of me gets it. I mean, these people invested in me - they invested time into me, knowledge, wisdom ... they gave me the very best of themselves and had a level of expectation that their investment in me would pay off in certain ways.

That I’d toe the line.

That I’d not rock the boat too much.

That I’d think differently, but stay in the box.

That I’d be a pastor.

That I’d advance the local church.

That I’d use my gifts in some way to advance the Gospel ... the Gospel as they taught it to me.

... And so I get that there’s a level of disappointment in the air as they see me putting down the swords that they gave me to carry to make room for my own swords, my own hopes and dreams and beliefs about God.

When I look at this card, that’s what I see. That’s what I hear. I hear the call of the Spirit telling me that it’s OK to put down the swords, it’s OK to put down the heavy expectations of others, it’s OK to let people talk about me, it’s OK to pursue my own hopes and dreams and spiritual practice.

And so that’s what I’m doing these days …

I read my Bible on a regular basis.

I read from Gnostic texts.

I pull Tarot Cards.

I have a small collection of crystals.

I’m learning about the moon and the power of lunar energy.

I meditate.

I believe my ancestors are all around me.

I’ve had a medium on my podcast.

I love Jesus and talk to him often.

... And on my best days I feel extremely overwhelmed with life and yet somehow very much at peace that I’m on a path that is good for me and that will leave my fingerprints on the lives of generations to come.

Yes.

The swords of everyone else made it hard for me to explore my own thoughts and so I had to put them down so that I could remain true to myself and pick up my own hopes, dreams, and wonderings about God, faith, the Bible, spirituality ... and all the things that make us (I think) Divinely-Infused-Human-Beings that live on this rock of a planet that is hurtling through an endless space faster than my mind can comprehend.

Will that make some people mad? Sure.

Will some people misunderstand me? Yes.

Will they make assumptions of me without bothering to ask me any questions? Sadly.

Will relationships end? Unfortunately.

But I can look at myself in the mirror every morning knowing that I have the support of those closest to me and am carrying my own hopes and dreams rather than the expectations of everyone else.

I hope you can do the same, my friend.

Glenn Siepert