The Page of Cups — what if project

Shortly after my dad passed away I purchased a new tarot deck that I had been eyeballing called the “This Might Hurt Tarot Deck”. I don’t know why, but it was calling to me from the screen for months. It’s colorful, the drawings are unique, and it creates all sorts of creative buzzes in my head.

Anyways.

After my father passed away, I was hurting. I still am. And so the idea of “This Might Hurt” really grabbed at me because (frankly) death and loss and grief - it hurts a whole lot.

Am I right?

And so I decided that this particular deck would be my grief deck, the deck I’d go to when I was feeling sad or off or whatever and that I wouldn’t be afraid to be bold with the deck deck - to pull a card and ask God or the Universe or the Spirit or whatever to connect me with my dad and have him share something with me that I needed to hear in the moment.

Is that weird? I don’t know. But it helps me with my sadness sometimes and so the other morning I was feeling a bit off. I was missing my dad, thinking of him, and was filled with all sorts of feelings.

Sadness?

Exhaustion?

Frustration?

Anger?

If you’ve ever embraced your grief, you understand - you can’t always name the feeling other than “this feels like a mess”. I felt like a mess that morning and so I pulled out the deck and asked Jesus to tap dad on the shoulder and ask him, “what would you tell Glenn this morning over coffee if you were sitting with him in Starbucks? What does he need to hear from his dad?”

I pulled the Page of Cups …

***(**in the image: “**The New New Testament**” by Hal Taussig and the “**This Might Hurt Tarot Deck***”)

… I don’t really know what it means, if I’m being honest. Sometimes I’ll sit with a card for a while and see what it speaks to me. But on this particular day I had ZERO patience and so I flipped open the book that came with the deck (it comes with a guide that explains what each card means) and this was the description …

“If you are the Page of Cups you might be on an emotional path you don’t quite understand yet, someone who feels everything as it is happening - fully and without shame.”

Yeah.

I felt that the other day … and I still feel it today. Like the person on the card, I feel like I’m staring into a bag of emotions that are swimming around in a sea of circumstances I can’t control and although I have no idea what to make of it all and although I feel exhausted more often than not … I sense that somehow and in some way, it is or will be good.

And maybe.

Just maybe?

… My dad wanted me to know that all of those feelings are OK.

Does this all freak you out a little? If so, I get it. I was brought up in a world where tarot cards were tools of Satan and attempting to talk to “the dead” was attempting to talk to a demon.

BUT.

If you’re at all intrigued by all of this tarot stuff below are some tarot episodes from the What If Project where I’ve interviewed some tarot readers and also some resources that have helped me the most.

Check them out and reply to this email if you have any questions. More tarot episodes and discussions are in the works for season 7 of the show, which starts up in January.

Much love,