A Letter To The God I Used To Believe In

I’ve seen a lot of posts about you these days. We’re in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and so many of my friends are posting things about you, about how you either …

ONE - caused the Virus.

OR.

TWO - are allowing it to happen.

Both people are part of the same tribe, a tribe that I used to be a part of, a tribe that insists that you are omnipotent or all powerful and bigger and greater and more powerful than any sickness or disease or virus or whatever.

I used to believe that and I had 1001 Bible verses in my pocket to back it up. I preached about it from pulpits, I wrote about it in countless blog posts, I read (literally) hundreds of books about it.

I subscribed to it.

I spoke it.

I lived it.

And I used to love you - I really, truly did. I used to adore you. I used to hold you up on a pedestal. I worshiped you and I dedicated my whole life to you.

Now?

I take that dedication back.

I do not love you.

I do not hold you on a pedestal.

And … I’m here today to show you the door, the exit out of my life … once and for all. This pandemic has created a lot of new feelings in me and those around me, and this is one that I feel I need to publicly express to you.

Perhaps that will cause you to smite me. I’m not really sure. The same people who talk about how all-powerful you are also assure me that you have a special oven where you send people who believe the wrong things about you or speak in ways that you consider blasphemous.

So be it, I guess.

I can’t give my life to a god who would create a virus that is killing more and more people everyday, much less a god who has the power to STOP such a virus, but chooses not to because “his ways are greater than our ways” or whatever other out of context Bible verses there might be back up such a claim.

No thank you.

I can’t get behind a god who has the power to stop evil in the world …

RAPE.

MOLESTATION.

SCHOOL SHOOTINGS.

HUNGER.

HOMELESSNESS.

… The list goes on … I can’t get behind a god who can stop these things, but chooses not to because in some sick and twisted way it has something to do with his divine will and purpose for that person.

That’s not what a “Father” does. That’s what they call you, right? “Father” … ? And a “good, good Father” at that.

You’re good?

I think of myself as a good father, I guess. But if my daughter was getting raped in the same room I was present in, you can bet the last ounce of your supposed omnipotence that I’d come to her aid faster than any lightening bolt you might be ready to chuck at me as a result of this letter.

If you can stop rape, but choose not to - you’re a monster.

If you can stop molestation, but choose not to - you’re a monster.

If you can stop this virus, but choose not to because it’s part of your “will” - you’re terrible.

So, where does that leave me?

Oh, I still believe in God, yes. Some people think I don’t. They think I’ve abandoned my faith. They think I’m no longer a Christian.

BUT.

I’m also learning to not really care what they think.

I still believe in YAHWEH, yes.

I still believe in Jesus, yes.

I still believe in Christ, yes.

BUT.

I don’t think that you are that God. Instead, I think that you’re an imposter. The God that I believe in is a God of love and grace, a God who is weak, a God whose weakness was perfectly displayed in his vulnerability on the cross. She is a God who can’t stop the virus, a God who can’t stop rape, a God who can’t stop molestation, a God who can’t stop school shootings. A God who is so full of love and has given so much free will to his creation that she couldn’t possibly override that free will and force his creation to do something it doesn’t want to or is unable to do.

This virus?

It’s here because of US - humanity. Because of our decisions and our way of being in the world. We did this, we chose this, we made this mess. And so the God I believe in can’t really make it go away, but promises to be with us every step of the way as we fight it and do what we can to change the way we live and be in the world so that it never happens again.

And so I just wanted you to know that as people from my old tribe try to make sense of these days and try to lift you up as an amazing God who either created this virus or allows it to happen for his bigger and greater purposes, I see right through you and call you out as the fraud that you are.

Your ex-faithful servant,